Listen up taking feedback on board can make your career

Learning how to professionally and rationally accept feedback from more experienced colleagues is an underrated skill which lawyers should hone to improve their career learning and progression, writes Kriss Will.

This article provides guidance to those receiving feedback and is an update on an article I wrote a decade ago. Much has changed in law over the past decade, but the issues surrounding the receiving and giving of feedback have remained relatively consistent. It is not always easy to listen to and truly understand feedback about your performance, yet we know that we have much to learn by listening to the informed comments from those who work with us, particularly those who delegate work to us.

Remember the important role feedback plays in learning
The role of feedback in the learning and development experience cannot be underestimated. In a law firm context, we can summarise the main on-the-job learning interaction – first, there is the delegation of work to less experienced lawyers, these lawyers then apply their best efforts, and the more experienced delegating lawyer ultimately provides guidance and ideas to improve the legal product or service.

Below are some practical tips to assist less experienced employees as they think about how they can make the most of the feedback provided to them at work. Feel free to use this article and include it as part of any formal or informal feedback processes you employ in your office. In my consultancy, I provide these types of tips as part of training to those receiving and giving. In particular, I find a discussion about the need to reframe ‘defensiveness’ to be valuable for everyone involved in feedback discussions.

Get ‘defensive’ in perspective
I often hear it said that people respond ‘defensively’ to feedback. Most people take pride in their work and feel a little disappointed in themselves when they hear that their best effort did not lead to the outcome required. Feeling a bit upset or agitated about this might be labelled defensive, but I call this normal. What becomes an impediment to learning through the delegation-feedback process is a strong defensive response. Such a response is when the feedback recipient reacts with such a strong emotional response that the constructive feedback discussion cannot fruitfully continue.

This can impact negatively on the ongoing working relationship. This, in turn, can lead to the delegator not wanting to provide feedback and/or not feeling comfortable delegating more work. This is definitely a lose-lose outcome: the recipient receives less work, gets less feedback and is likely to have a lesser learning and development experience. The delegator also loses the opportunity to help develop a productive team member.

Making feedback work for you
Generally speaking, people are keen to learn more and, in workplaces where on-the-job learning is the critical learning path, learning to receive feedback is an essential skill. This is particularly so for law graduates and younger lawyers who are particularly reliant on the time and input of their more experienced colleagues. These tips are designed to assist you to learn from feedback, and also to increase the amount of feedback you receive.

• Focus on the speaker and listen to their messages. Listen actively. Make eye contact. Show you understand by saying so, asking questions or nodding. You may find that you cannot make eye contact as you are feeling vulnerable. If this is the case, it may assist you to take some notes so that you can show you are paying attention, even if you find it too confronting to look at the person. Sometimes it is more beneficial to allow the person to finish before you ask any questions or seek clarification of any points.

• As the recipient, manage your defensive response. Often people feel quite taken aback when they hear negative statements about their own performance and this can lead to a person feeling under threat. This is as a response to the activation of the flight-fight response – people want to run away to protect themselves, or people want to fight to protect themselves. People under threat can act more aggressively than normal. If you feel like this, remember, it is okay to ask for some time to consider the feedback before you respond, and this should help you to calm down so you can respond in a professional manner. If you find yourself feeling very threatened, you may like to ask if you can leave the room to get a glass of water. The short break will allow you to take some deep breaths to counter the anger you are feeling.

• Avoid flippancy or attempts to change the subject. The person giving you feedback will usually not respond well to this type of deflective behaviour. They are taking the time to assist with your learning, and expect you to be attentive. Show your appreciation for the input to your development by paying attention.

• Be clear about what needs to change or improve. If you are not sure what the speaker is trying to communicate, say so and ask questions to clarify your understanding. It is essential you understand the key messages from the feedback discussion. The feedback process is not finished until you are clear about what has to happen. Listening and asking questions usually makes for a more valuable feedback session. For more complicated matters, you may like to ask for time to consider what has been said and then a follow-up time can be scheduled so you can ask any clarifying questions. Again, this is aimed at making sure you understand what is expected of you.

• Do not exaggerate the criticism. Again, listen and wait until everything has been said. Paraphrase what you have understood as the key points to ensure you have understood them. Feel free to ask for a summary at the end of the discussion to ensure you have not misunderstood the specifics or intent of the feedback. Understand that as a less experienced lawyer you are on a learning curve and feedback about where you need to improve is normal and necessary. If you feel particularly despondent about some feedback, speak with a friend, colleague or HR – this can assist by providing perspective and giving you support to keep on learning. Remember, to be employed by a law firm you are clearly a competent and capable individual and receiving feedback on where you need to improve is all about building your experience and skills.

• Convey to the other person that you understand the feedback. This is often best demonstrated by a willingness to work towards a solution and/or taking on board the suggestions for improvement. In some situations, a summary email about ‘what I learnt from this matter’ may assist you to reinforce the key points. Referencing the feedback where applicable in future work discussions can also assist with demonstrating that you listened, valued and acted upon the feedback.

• Accept praise graciously. Thank people for praise. Do not dismiss it just because negative feedback has been given at the same time. All of us are good at some things and could be better at others. It is important to take on board the positive as well as the areas of potential improvement.

• Understand that giving feedback is not easy either. It is difficult for some people to give feedback. People want to help you learn, but do not enjoy seeing you upset. For many people, providing negative feedback to staff about their work is one of the most difficult responsibilities they have. Listen and respond on the basis that the person has positive intentions and know that they are trying to help you. Thanking them for making the effort to have a difficult feedback conversation can also make it easier for both of you next time.

• Get more by asking for it. Sometimes people forget or avoid giving feedback. They may be genuinely very busy and have not turned their minds to the piece of work you have completed for them. Arrange for a convenient time to discuss the piece of work – just arriving in their office to ask for feedback on the spot can mean you receive less considered input. Also, let the person know that you really value their ideas on how you can improve. By giving them permission to provide you with ideas for change, this can make it easier for them to give such feedback.

• Deal with any feelings you have about a feedback discussion in a professional manner. Do not undermine the person who has given you feedback, even if they may not have been perfect in the delivery of what they had to say. If you feel that feedback has been given unfairly or in a manner that is inappropriate, raise this through the appropriate channels in your firm or organisation. Leaving a meeting and discussing your ‘side’ of the story with others in the office is likely to be detrimental to you and your relationship with the delegator as your comments are likely to become part of the office gossip.

Kriss Will is a law firm management consultant and the founder of Kriss Will Consulting. She can be contacted at kriss@kwillconsult.com.au.